The 3 biggest problems with social media (that no one’s talking about)

Challenges related to social media are getting a lot of press these days. It’s advent on the scene is basically a huge cultural experiment we all walked innocently into. We racked up a decade (plus) of phone-driven, on-demand social media, without much thought about potential issues it might cause.

Turns out, there are a lot of issues.

And today, people are starting to talk about them. Engineers who helped create and promote social media are leaving the industry, voicing their concerns. Social media companies are admitting they exploited human psychology for sales. The job of tech-related “design ethicist” has become a thing. In the wake these (and because of skyrocketing mental health issues), Congress is doing a probe.

When people talk about social media problems, they most often focus on the dangers to youth (and for good reason). Specifically, they focus on the realities that social media:

• has addictive elements, so it’s hard to get off

• increases FOMO (fear of missing out) for everyone, enhancing exclusion and adding insecurity

• sets the stage for cyber-bullying

• allows nefarious people to contact, groom, and exploit kids

• offers unfettered access to negative trends (eating disorders, drug use, porn, hooligan trends, you name it)
  

These are all good - I would even say very good reasons - to be wary of social media use for kids, closely watch it, set limits, consider delaying the start, etc.

They’re also the visible reasons. The underlying things are even more worrying.

Here are the three underlying things that many people don’t recognize, the “Oz” behind the curtain that troubles me most for modern childhood and teenagehood.

1. What social media replaces.

Until about ten years ago, kids did a lot of things with their free time. They went for a bike ride, shot hoops at local playground, played in the backyard, baked cookies, talked on the phone (remember that?) with their friends. They watched a show with their siblings, even - there was only one TV. They got a babysitting or yardwork job - after all, might as well do something constructive with that free time. It just happened. In some cases, kids were bored and got creative to fill their boredom, yes. In other cases, it was “what people did.” It was normal and - it turns out - healthy. But today? Social media largely replaces all this stuff. The average teen spends more than three hours on social media each day, and those hours are taking the place of “normal life” things. This robs kids of regular wholesomeness, standard fare of life and flourishing - and they are worse for it.

2. “Trading” your context, as a normal thing.

It used to be that when you rode in the car to school or activities, you talked (or fought) with your family members, lobbied for your station on the radio (or your CD), looked out the window. When you were home, you talked to (or whined at) your parents or got bored with your siblings. But today, we all know that when we have free minutes, we most often go into our phones (and for youth, it’s usually social media). It’s our default, and it’s knee-jerk. For kids, this means that from their earliest memories, they’re habituating themselves to swapping their real-life environments for online environments. They’re trading their setting. They think it’s an upgrade - after all, what they find on social media’s more interesting, right? But it’s actually a downgrade. Kids learn to be absent to their real life and present to an illusory online life, where self is paramount, amusement is everything, relationships are superficial (or not there)… and shallowness and loneliness are inevitable results.

3. Virtual world, worse than real.

One lie of the modern day is that the virtual world is (or will be) better than the real one. Another lie is that it’s just as good. Truth is, the virtual world is worse. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not innately bad. There are plenty of good things you can find, see, and do on and through screens. But it’s a created world, and it can never replicate or rival our real world. Dwelling in the virtual world for long periods diminishes our humanity. We are body, spirit, and mind - and the virtual world leaves body entirely out (don’t tell me VR add-ons are the same, or ever will be), and does little to engage the spirit. We have five senses, but only two of them (sight and hearing) can be accessed in the virtual world. We’re built for reltionship, but residence in the virtual world can’t advance healthy whole-person relationship in the same way that IRL engagement can and does. Extensive social media use means spending big chunks of life in a virtual world that isn’t and can never be as good as the real world. This isn’t a recipe for human flourishing; it’s a path to human diminishment.

Bottom line: a world where social media use is as widely-used and influential as it is today is a harder world for kids to grow up in… much less flourish in.

I’m not a doomsday-er. There are a lot of reasons for hope (including the fact that many youth are seeing the negatives of social media themselves, and many are getting off). We can teach kids these truths and arm them (and ourselves) with resources to recognize and steer clear of dangers. We can live, and lead, a different way.

And we must! Reach out if I can help.

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